To maintain a healthy level of insanity:
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
5. In the memo field of all your checks, write, 'For Sex.'
6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go.'
9. Sing along with the soloist at church.
10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party--because you have a headache.
11. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I won! I won!'
12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, 'Run for your lives! They're loose!'
13. Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.'
14. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 300%, extra dark, 126 copies.
15. Leave your turn signal on for twenty miles.
16. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with disinfectant.
17. Invent nonsense technical jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid looking ignorant.
18. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty three times.
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity:
19. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and ask where the fitting room is.